People Pleasing and Seeking Approval

By Kimberly Cartwright

In A Course in Miracles, it says “I am as God created me”. This was a very difficult idea for me to wrap my mind around.

People Pleasing and Seeking Approval

Jesus says it over and over again in the text and the workbook of ACIM, because he knows this idea is a big change of mind for us separated ones.

Until very recently, I did not know that I am as God created me.

What I did know about myself was that I wasn’t as good as other people, and therefore, I had to work hard in order to be liked. I had to appear smarter, prettier, and nicer than I believed I really was. I would make up stories (telling lies) and embellish facts (telling more lies) in order to feel worthy of asking for love. In social situations, I walked on eggshells, hoping that I would say and do the right things so that people would think I was good and nice, and so they would like me.

This people pleasing habit started in my childhood. I had a very tough time with my Dad while I was growing up.  He was a rage-aholic, and I desperately wanted his approval. So I would say or do almost anything to get his attention and his love, including telling stories that weren’t true in hopes that they would make me worthy in his eyes.  I never received the approval I wanted from him, or anyone else.

Because I was being untrue to myself, I always felt separate and unequal.

I spent years making up stories and walking on eggshells because I didn’t believe that I am as God created me.  Thank GOD practicing A Course in Miracles has been healing my mind layer by layer over the years, like flowing water, wearing away the rough edges of my self- judgement. I have been gradually awakening to the truth that Jesus wants us all to know about ourselves:

I AM as God created me.

In this video, I will speak more on this topic:

A few weeks ago, I watched one of my friends share his true feelings in front of a large group of people. He was vulnerable and authentic. As he spoke from his heart, huge waves of love welled up inside of me. Because he was simply being himself with no ego, I felt at peace, I felt safe, and I felt able to simply be myself.  What a healing!!!

One of the most powerful things a person can do is to be themselves, unapologetically, truly and openly. In fact, everyone that I truly admire is only being themselves, and that is what makes me love them so very much!

Because I am as God created me, I don’t have to make up some image of myself in order to be liked. Because I am as God created me, I know the love that I have been searching for is right here inside of me.

kimberly cartwright

Do you walk on eggshells and make up stories?

Are you ready to quit pretending to be someone you are not and Let Love Rule?

See what happens when you are just yourself.

I accept you EXACTLY the way you are-as God created you.

Question: Can you accept yourself as God created you, and be the healing for others who are trapped in image making and approval seeking? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

I love you, I thank you, I bless you and I am blessed by you.

Xoxoxox

Kimberly

ACIM EASTER CELEBRATION: I am excited and honored to be a guest speaker at the ACIM Easter Conference in Utah! I would love to see you there. Come join us! It’s April 14-16, 2017. For one week only, you can get a discounted price on the conference ticket. It’s going to be a celebration weekend with Lisa Natoli, Bill Free, Vicki Poppe, David Hoffmeister, James Twyman, Jennifer Hadley, Maria Felipe, Tony Ponticello, Jon Mundy, Linda Leland and many other great teachers. Also attending are many from the 40-Day Program and Living in Purpose. 

For details and to sign up at the discount price (one week only!), click this link and then click on GROUP DISCOUNTS and use the code listed there: http://www.acimeasterconference.com/register

 

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49 thoughts on “People Pleasing and Seeking Approval

  1. well, i actually was not trained to be nice,,,,i lived on the streets growing up,,my story,,,so being nice was not rewarded. i dont people please too much or present myself as the person everyone wants to know,,,,and for this reason people do not like me and i am basically alone. even with course students i am just not socially graceful. i have in the last year consciously chosen to act nice at times to keep peace or get something i need. i found that being authentic and then not having what i needed was old too. i have had many occasions in my life where people fooled me by being nice when they only wanted favors or money, and i admit at the age of 60 i finally learned to keep the peace to get what i needed,,,but i do it consciously and dont beleive my own story that it is ok to do this. i just am too tired to be myself and deal with people not liking it

    today we are supposed to join with our brother,,,,i know this is becuase he is my own projection and i have to bring it home,,,,,and my body is my ego and it has a migraine. i started to talk to my ego as if it was out there,,,and then realized it is not, my ego IS my body and my migraine and my landlady who i dont wnt to join with, i am too angry with her. but my ego is what i made and so i ususally talk to it like my landlady,,,it is out there,,,it is not,,,it is me and my decisions so i talk to it now as that,,,,a part of me lost and thinking it is not creating all this.

    so instead of joining with my brother who seems to be out there,,,i joined with my own ego, my own self, body and crappy world i made

    • Dearest Beloved Anna:
      You are LOVE, The One Mind, Christ. You are the creation of the Divine. You are not the body, ego, or the crappy world you think you made. THERE IS ONLY GOD, AND YOU ARE THAT. I love you, and I thank you for sharing from your heart. peace, love and blessings, xoxoxoxo

    • I thank you for this video with a heartfelt/soul filled love. My heart and eyes filled with tears of joy……You are telling my story!
      I am so grateful for ACIM … it has changed everything in my life. Thank you, bless you, and light and love to you from the real me. 🐸

  2. Wow Kimberly,
    Your timing was perfect! I just posted on the 40 Day Facebook page my own journey with people pleasing, not feeling loved by my parents, ect…and then I got this. A miracle! So validating that I am not alone with this stuff and knowing we are all free when we share, release and let go. “I am as God Created Me” will be my new mantra, 🙂 Peace, Love and Gratitude my sister on the path.

  3. Kimberly,
    This was beautiful, both your message and your presence. There was such resonance and truth in your voice.
    As a former people pleaser, I SO get this. Alanon, the work I’ve done with Irene Tomkinson, the Caron Foundation, and all the spiritual work have taught me to step into my authenticity. And working with the course and Lisa’s work for the past year and a half has been contributing to that.
    So thank you for this talk, and all the work from the Teacher’s of God.

    • Dearest Beloved Karen, I am with you in gratitude for all the healing I have received from the Teachers of God Foundation. Here’s to our authenticity!! peace and love

  4. Thank you for this post Kimberly. It was very comforting to me and gives me hope as I travel this path of ACIM. I don’t feel it yet. I too had an angry father and never seemed to be seen or loved for who I was. But I love your analogy of the water smoothing things over until it can really flow. I look forward to that. I have been on this path for years and right now I am the most focused I have ever been and feel like it is sinking in slowly but surely, thanks to Lisa and people like you, my many blessed teachers… Thank you! God bless:)

    • Beloved Paula, it has taken years for me to peel and heal the layers of defenses I have made. The process continues to this day, and may continue for the rest of my life. That is okay. I can include even that which feels like suffering into my heart. This is my practice: whatever comes up, I LOVE IT, and breathe. We are together in this. Thanks for all the work you are doing to heal our one mind!! xoxoxoxo

  5. Dear Kimberly!
    I am deeply touched by your sharing. Thank you from the light within me- who listened and knew: YES- this is the truth!
    In this short film you were a LIVING example of your own words- by sitting there, so humbly- sharing the simple TRUTH with us – as it was radiating from your speaking.
    You made the experiece “truth is meeting truth” available.
    Yes, yes, yes- it is time to BE the light- and let it SHINE!
    Without purpose or anything else.

    With love and gratitude-
    Mary

    • Beloved Mary!! OMG!!! My love and gratitude to you. Thank you for seeing me as Light!! Wow. When I think of you, I am blinded by brightness! It takes one to know one. xoxoxoxox

    • Dearest Beloved Elle: It is so funny that your message is exactly what I spent my childhood and much of my adulthood longing to hear! So simple….I appreciate you! But it isn’t until now, as I release blame and shame, that I am available to receive appreciation. Thank you, Sister…and guess what? I appreciate YOU!! xoxoxoxoxo

    • Dearest Beloved Debbie:
      You are on a journey that has never started and will never end-the journey of Knowing Your Self as the Love of God. Welcome, Beloved. You are the Miracle. All shiny!! peace and blessings, xoxoxo

  6. As always Kimberly, you move me. You elevate me and you honor me with your mastery. You are such a gift to all of us here. I love you.

    • Beloved Linda-Light-of-the-World:
      I show up brightly around you because you are the Light! Thank you for loving me and seeing me truly. I love you!! xoxoxoxo

  7. I love the peacefulness of your face . I was in a meeting last week and a gentleman asked me how I was and I said” I am perfect” , he responded “that sounds conceited ” . I love this man. Its so easy experiencing who I have been created as instead of living as what people tell me who I am, and what I should be . have a peaceful day , Love Arthur

    • Divine Arthur: Thank you so much for sharing that story. I feel healed just reading your words “I am perfect”. Yes, Beloved, we are perfect. Thank you for remembering for all of us. xoxoxo

  8. Dear Kimberly,
    Thank you for your post and being so honest.
    All that you wrote resonates so much with me.
    I’m been a people pleasing person all my life. Until now I did not realise and accept that I have been living in fear. Fear of being alone, fear of not having enough money, fear that my children were going to be taken from me, and that made me stay in an abusive relationship until now that my youngest child is an adult. Always in fear that (and I use your expression) my rage-oholic exhusband were going to do something to them.
    I have been studying ACIM for some years now and I always found ‘pockets’ of peace, but were never everlasting. Thanks to you and Lisa Natoli I started doing the 40 Day Program, now I’m doing the advance one as well as the Mastery 6 mths program, doing my lessons in ACIM and I’m in a ACIM group in Sydney, and watching The Teachers of God group on Fridays. I had an awakening realisation 2 days ago, that I have been imposing all this suffering on myself. Now I realise and fell the love of God all the time, I know I’m never alone (I can feel Jesus always with me). I BELIEVE that I’m The Light of the World and that my ex husband is also The Light of the World. I couldn’t see and feel that before. I’m practising the Holy Encounter and its so beautiful.
    I love you guys, thank you for your love and support.
    Love and light
    Veronica

    • Beloved and Divine Veronica: You are amazing and miraculous!!! Thank you so much for sharing your light! Please share your story as much as you can because we all need to remember that we are all the Light of the world. So glad you are connected with a group in Sydney. I watch the Livestream on Fridays, too. I love it that we are together!! I love you, xoxoxo

    • Beloved Melinda: Thank you for opening your heart and receiving what I had to say and allowing me to heal. Thank you, xoxoxox

  9. Hi! Thanks for sharing this wonderful piece! As I understand ACIM, God created us as spirit, and we made our self concepts which include our personalities. “I am as God created me.” means I am spirit, not my ego personality, my self concept. So my question is to be “ourselves” unapologetically, are we being our ego personalities unapologetically? and for those of us with “low” self esteem, are we striving to “love” our ego personas?
    Thank you for any assistance you can help me with this!

    • Dearest Beloved Kay:
      Great questions!! “I am as God created me” means, as you said, that I am already created as Spirit. To be myself, unapologetically, is to be as God created me-which is not a personality, a body, or a situation-it is the moment by moment BEINGNESS of LOVE. And since, in the world, we tend to value people who DO alot, it is a bold step to simply BE. If we feel we have low self esteem, we are identifying with the concept of “me”. And the Answer is 1: notice we are suffering 2: pause and breathe 3: Ask for Help
      4: Receive the Help. I love the section in Chapter 30 of the Text of ACIM called Rules for Decision. If you haven’t already done so, check that out!! That is super helpful as a model for how to handle fearful thoughts and have the kind of day you WANT to have. Let me know what you think! Peace, love and blessings, xoxoxoxo

  10. The line below seems to speak to me … call to me … thank you.

    “Because I was being untrue to myself, I always felt separate and unequal.”

    • Beloved Sue: I didn’t figure out until I was writing the piece that all of those years my feelings of separation and inequality were coming from me….not others!! Love you, Sister, xxoxo

  11. Thank you, Kimberly, for your heartfelt words. I have spent a lot of energy looking for love in all the wrong places. It eventually brought me to the realization that I have to find it within myself. Practicing self-love is an ongoing challenge but the 40 day program is extremely helpful. It magically came into my life shortly after I had made the decision to stop looking for outer validation (which was getting me nowhere). I am still totally amazed that all this information is being offered free of charge and that there is so much support available as well. Thank you for showing the rest of us how to light up the world. You are truly love in action.

  12. Kimberley,
    Words are non existent to me and what I want to say……this is simply brilliant and I loved it and I love you.
    I see you and me and all of us in no other way but Love and Light.
    Thank you my gorgeous beautiful friend. We can all use this in our lives.
    I am as God created me.
    I love you
    Rebecca Johnson

  13. I’ll be brief (which, for me, is a rarity, lol). Thank you, Lisa, for inviting Kimberly to make this video. And, thank you, Kimberly, for sharing your experience, and your Light. I’ve taken the liberty of sharing it on my fbook page, and I know the folks who need to see it will (and, I’m trusting their inner guidance will move at least one of them to share!)… Love, Peace, Joy and Blessings to you wonder-full women, and to the Teachers of God foundation. You’re doing the Life, and the Crusade is calling in more companions because you’ve listened, learned and are DOing. I line up and walk confidently behind you… <3