Although A Course In Miracles doesn’t speak specifically about parenting, it’s a 1200 page manual for teaching us a universal way to Love and peace, to remember God and to undo the thoughts of fear, guilt and shame that are greatly influencing our lives. We’re clearly shown that, without exception, our outer world is a reflection of our inner state of mind.
These principles can be applied to heal any life situation you choose to apply them to.
Today, we’re taking those powerful healing principles and applying them to the topic of parenting.
Parenting and A Course In Miracles
This is a huge reversal in the way you’ve been taught to parent.
This isn’t about trying to create the perfect environment so that children aren’t somehow tainted, behavior management techniques, discipline or setting limits. These things don’t address the root of the problem so they really don’t matter as much as what’s behind them.
Let me explain.
Just like in every other area of your life, your thoughts create the physical experience known as your life. Your world is a temporary reflection of your state of mind. Period. You are always, even when it comes to your kids, getting an outward picture of an inward condition. Therefore, healing is always of the mind. One mind. Your mind.
In parenting, we aren’t usually taught the process of looking within for the root of the problem. We’re taught to look without, to judge and to fix.
It never works.
Your kids are mirroring everything you think and believe. They are not outside of your consciousness. They’ll show you everything that’s hidden.These are your soul mates, here to help you master yourself. It seems like they have a lot to learn but they have a lot to teach! They are your partners in this spiritual journey back to your True Self.
When it looks like something has gone wrong in their process, you turn it back to yourself and see that it’s your own lesson. This is mastery.
Are they fighting and yelling? Where are you fighting and yelling within? Do you see them numbing out in some way? Where are you numbing out? Are they worried what others think? Where are you worried what the neighbors or your friends will think?
The level of patience you have with your children is the exact level of patience you have with yourself.
It’s time to pay attention in a whole new way. Instead of paying attention only to what your kids are doing, you pay attention to your thoughts around it. This way, you get to see the beliefs you’ve learned along the way and address the root of the problem.
For example, your kids will show you exactly who you think you are. If you think you’re here as the result of some biological accident, that you are a body, vulnerable to the world, vulnerable to sickness and death, self-created and scrambling to get your share of the world’s resources, that’s a VERY scary way to live! And that’s exactly how you’ll view your kids too. This is a VERY fearful way to parent.
Your kids initially come in very dependent upon you but don’t mistake that for thinking that you’re their creator.
When you do this work and come to realize that you are more than a body, rather, you’re an extension of God who is loved beyond measure, protected, abundant, guided, brilliant and eternal, you’ll see your kids that way too! Now it’s a whole new ballgame.
But, if you think you’re the author of yourself, you’ll also think you’re the author of your kids too. This causes a lot of family conflict because now you’re trying to control your kids and that’s not even possible! It may work temporarily but if the mind is still sick, the affect will repeat itself again, only bigger.
The struggle comes from observing a behavior, judging it and trying to control it. The mind is addicted to judgement and the ego always, always tells you that things would be better if they were different. The truth is, you have no direct control of the behavior of another. You only have control of your own level of peace.
Jesus says in ACIM, that you can only control the direction of your thinking. There are two thought systems in the mind. Love/fear. You can train your mind to listen more consistently to the voice for love. That is the only control you have. You cannot control the world of form and your child’s behavior is a part of the world of form.
“You may believe that you are responsible for what you do but not for what you think but you are responsible for what you think. What you do comes from what you think. Instead of trying to control the behavior which is an affect, you come back to the mind, which is the cause, and you must make a change in your thinking.” Chapter 2, ACIM
In this video, I tell the story of my experience with my daughter. There was a time when she didn’t want to live. She was a reckless teenager who was extremely self-destructive, self-harming, addicted, angry and depressed. For years, I tried everything to save her. It consumed me as much as it consumed her. Although I love her so very much, everything I did to try to fix her was based on my own HUGE fear and didn’t help her. Not one little bit.
I tell the full story of the day that I finally let go, knowing that she might die.
This was the day that everything changed. This was the day when the healing happened for both of us. The right solutions literally came knocking at the door after that day.
I wasn’t an ACIM student yet back then but I can now clearly see how I followed exactly what the Course teaches and that’s why the healing finally happened.
- I let go and trusted in something greater than myself.
- I let go of the way I thought it “should” go.
- I was no longer attached to the outcome.
- I put the focus on my own mind.
- I listened.
You’ve got to get yourself out of the way if you’re to access your right mind!
You need to unblock the fears, guilt and shame that automatically drive your decisions.
When you are emotionally charged, it is because of YOUR interpretation of the situation. All situations are neutral but they will clearly reflect your beliefs, grievances and judgments. It’s so tempting for us to want to leave it “out there” but the healing is always within us. The only benefit to these negative feelings is to see that there’s another way.
This takes a different kind of tolerance and patience.
The great news is that you have the Holy Spirit. This is the greatest Love, wisdom and understanding that was placed in you by God. It’s within you right now. If you aren’t aware of it, that’s only because you haven’t been paying attention. This is your teacher. Jesus clearly tells us that you can’t be your own teacher. That’s why we’ve been given the Holy Spirit.
Your only job is to unearth these old, hidden, worn out, unhelpful beliefs and then take them to the Holy Spirit using the simple forgiveness technique I talk about in the video.
The love that you so desperately wish for your kids, you need to find that love within you. It’s under there and fully intact. Then, you extend that love. Let that love be in the driver’s seat. This, and only this, is how families go through a deep transformation.
Every parenting situation is always our own lesson-extending Love or calling for Love. Kids will give you a lot of practice. They are your powerhouse partners in unearthing your true identity.
What purpose do you want to give to raising children?
To turn away from God by living in fear and managing by yourself? Or do you want to use this powerful union to remember God?
You choose. You decide how this will go from here on.
Parenting decisions you make out of fear are never helpful.
You can become aware of the fear but you don’t have to believe it.
Any healer must heal themselves to be effective. If you want to heal your kids, you must heal your own mind. Now guided and right decisions come naturally. You’ll continuously become more intuitive when decisions need to be made.
Most people never get to this level of realization when it comes to parenting.
The only thing that will ever satisfy your kids is the love of God.
Knowing this, you stop focusing on helping make your kids into square boxes that will fit into the square holes of the world and focus on remembering your true identity in God. Now, you release both of you.
My all-time favorite saying:
Speak to the King and the King will show up.
This means to never speak to your children from a place of fear. Walk away when you see them as broken or lacking in anything. This will only delay the healing. Only speak to the highest in them. See them further along in their journey than they appear. Their 100% success is guaranteed in God. Just like you, they are God’s beloved and nothing they do or don’t do can ever change that. Speak to that. Speak to their true identity and that’s who will show up.
It’s ok if you flounder. Don’t worry about being perfect. Don’t expect your kids to be perfect. Just keep choosing love over fear. Learn to be acutely aware of when you are reacting from Love. Show them what it looks like, even if it’s messy. This will take you all further and happier than anything else.
I’ve found nothing more valuable in this un-doing within myself as the workbook lessons of A Course In Miracles. It’s a modern day program for healing the mind, releasing judgment and learning trust. Hands down, the greatest healing tool I know. We have a program here called ACIM 365 if you’re interested in doing the workbook lessons with a “coach”. Lisa Natoli is brilliant at making them user friendly and heart opening. I’ll give you the link below so you can check it out.
In my video, I also give you a fool-proof practice for shifting from fear to love when you’re feeling charged up by a parenting issue. A simple tool that always helps me when the “kid-button” has been pushed. So good! I know you’ll love it as much as I do.
You and your children were both created by a loving Father who created you together, as ONE. You’re both being called forward, NO MATTER WHAT’S HAPPENING, by the brilliance that created you, to your highest potential.
There is nothing more sacred, as a parent, than the integrity of your own mind.
One last piece of parenting advice from A Course In Miracles: Remember to laugh!!
And, of course, I’d love to hear your thoughts about all of this.
Question: Did this help to shift your perception of what parenting is in any way? Was it helpful to see it from this viewpoint? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
Thank you so much for being here. Let’s be uncompromising for God. Let’s be vigilant for Love. Let’s do this together and never settle for anything less.