Parenting and A Course In Miracles

By Linda Leland

Although A Course In Miracles doesn’t speak specifically about parenting, it’s a 1200 page manual for teaching us a universal way to Love and peace, to remember God and to undo the thoughts of fear, guilt and shame that are greatly influencing our lives. We’re clearly shown that, without exception, our outer world is a reflection of our inner state of mind.

https://screencast.com/t/cMut1Ev2

These principles can be applied to heal any life situation you choose to apply them to.

Today, we’re taking those powerful healing principles and applying them to the topic of parenting.

Parenting and A Course In Miracles

This is a huge reversal in the way you’ve been taught to parent.

This isn’t about trying to create the perfect environment so that children aren’t somehow tainted, behavior management techniques, discipline or setting limits. These things don’t address the root of the problem so they really don’t matter as much as what’s behind them.

Let me explain.

Just like in every other area of your life, your thoughts create the physical experience known as your life. Your world is a temporary reflection of your state of mind. Period. You are always, even when it comes to your kids, getting an outward picture of an inward condition. Therefore, healing is always of the mind. One mind. Your mind.

Without exception.

In parenting, we aren’t usually taught the process of looking within for the root of the problem. We’re taught to look without, to judge and to fix.

It never works.

Your kids are mirroring everything you think and believe. They are not outside of your consciousness. They’ll show you everything that’s hidden.These are your soul mates, here to help you master yourself. It seems like they have a lot to learn but they have a lot to teach! They are your partners in this spiritual journey back to your True Self.

When it looks like something has gone wrong in their process, you turn it back to yourself and see that it’s your own lesson. This is mastery.

Are they fighting and yelling? Where are you fighting and yelling within? Do you see them numbing out in some way? Where are you numbing out? Are they worried what others think? Where are you worried what the neighbors or your friends will think?

The level of patience you have with your children is the exact level of patience you have with yourself.

It’s time to pay attention in a whole new way. Instead of paying attention only to what your kids are doing, you pay attention to your thoughts around it. This way, you get to see the beliefs you’ve learned along the way and address the root of the problem.

For example, your kids will show you exactly who you think you are. If you think you’re here as the result of some biological accident, that you are a body, vulnerable to the world, vulnerable to sickness and death, self-created and scrambling to get your share of the world’s resources, that’s a VERY scary way to live! And that’s exactly how you’ll view your kids too. This is a VERY fearful way to parent.

Your kids initially come in very dependent upon you but don’t mistake that for thinking that you’re their creator.

When you do this work and come to realize that you are more than a body, rather, you’re an extension of God who is loved beyond measure, protected, abundant, guided, brilliant and eternal, you’ll see your kids that way too! Now it’s a whole new ballgame.

But, if you think you’re the author of yourself, you’ll also think you’re the author of your kids too. This causes a lot of family conflict because now you’re trying to control your kids and that’s not even possible! It may work temporarily but if the mind is still sick, the affect will repeat itself again, only bigger.

The struggle comes from observing a behavior, judging it and trying to control it. The mind is addicted to judgement and the ego always, always tells you that things would be better if they were different. The truth is, you have no direct control of the behavior of another. You only have control of your own level of peace.

Jesus says in ACIM, that you can only control the direction of your thinking. There are two thought systems in the mind. Love/fear. You can train your mind to listen more consistently to the voice for love. That is the only control you have. You cannot control the world of form and your child’s behavior is a part of the world of form.

“You may believe that you are responsible for what you do but not for what you think but you are responsible for what you think. What you do comes from what you think. Instead of trying to control the behavior which is an affect, you come back to the mind, which is the cause, and you must make a change in your thinking.” Chapter 2, ACIM

In this video, I tell the story of my experience with my daughter. There was a time when she didn’t want to live. She was a reckless teenager who was extremely self-destructive, self-harming, addicted, angry and depressed. For years, I tried everything to save her. It consumed me as much as it consumed her. Although I love her so very much, everything I did to try to fix her was based on my own HUGE fear and didn’t help her. Not one little bit.

I tell the full story of the day that I finally let go, knowing that she might die.

Download the Video Transcript

Are you interested in doing the ACIM workbook lessons with a ‘coach’? Lisa Natoli is brilliant at making them user friendly and heart-opening. Get a daily audio from Lisa for each of the workbook lessons inside of our popular program, ACIM 365: ACIM Workbook Lessons with Lisa Natoli. Click here for more information and to register.

This was the day that everything changed. This was the day when the healing happened for both of us. The right solutions literally came knocking at the door after that day.

I wasn’t an ACIM student yet back then but I can now clearly see how I followed exactly what the Course teaches and that’s why the healing finally happened.

  • I let go and trusted in something greater than myself.
  • I let go of the way I thought it “should” go.
  • I was no longer attached to the outcome.
  • I put the focus on my own mind.
  • I listened.

You’ve got to get yourself out of the way if you’re to access your right mind!

You need to unblock the fears, guilt and shame that automatically drive your decisions.

When you are emotionally charged, it is because of YOUR interpretation of the situation. All situations are neutral but they will clearly reflect your beliefs, grievances and judgments. It’s so tempting for us to want to leave it “out there” but the healing is always within us. The only benefit to these negative feelings is to see that there’s another way.

This takes a different kind of tolerance and patience.

The great news is that you have the Holy Spirit. This is the greatest Love, wisdom and understanding that was placed in you by God. It’s within you right now. If you aren’t aware of it, that’s only because you haven’t been paying attention. This is your teacher. Jesus clearly tells us that you can’t be your own teacher. That’s why we’ve been given the Holy Spirit.

Your only job is to unearth these old, hidden, worn out, unhelpful beliefs and then take them to the Holy Spirit using the simple forgiveness technique I talk about in the video.

The love that you so desperately wish for your kids, you need to find that love within you. It’s under there and fully intact. Then, you extend that love. Let that love be in the driver’s seat. This, and only this, is how families go through a deep transformation.

Every parenting situation is always our own lesson-extending Love or calling for Love. Kids will give you a lot of practice. They are your powerhouse partners in unearthing your true identity.

Your children are your partners

What purpose do you want to give to raising children?

To turn away from God by living in fear and managing by yourself? Or do you want to use this powerful union to remember God?

You choose. You decide how this will go from here on.

Parenting decisions you make out of fear are never helpful.

You can become aware of the fear but you don’t have to believe it.

Any healer must heal themselves to be effective. If you want to heal your kids, you must heal your own mind. Now guided and right decisions come naturally. You’ll continuously become more intuitive when decisions need to be made.

Most people never get to this level of realization when it comes to parenting.

The only thing that will ever satisfy your kids is the love of God.

Knowing this, you stop focusing on helping make your kids into square boxes that will fit into the square holes of the world and focus on remembering your true identity in God. Now, you release both of you.

My all-time favorite saying:

Speak to the King and the King will show up.

This means to never speak to your children from a place of fear. Walk away when you see them as broken or lacking in anything. This will only delay the healing. Only speak to the highest in them. See them further along in their journey than they appear. Their 100% success is guaranteed in God. Just like you, they are God’s beloved and nothing they do or don’t do can ever change that. Speak to that. Speak to their true identity and that’s who will show up.

It’s ok if you flounder. Don’t worry about being perfect. Don’t expect your kids to be perfect. Just keep choosing love over fear. Learn to be acutely aware of when you are reacting from Love. Show them what it looks like, even if it’s messy. This will take you all further and happier than anything else.

I’ve found nothing more valuable in this un-doing within myself as the workbook lessons of A Course In Miracles. It’s a modern day program for healing the mind, releasing judgment and learning trust. Hands down, the greatest healing tool I know. We have a program here called ACIM 365 if you’re interested in doing the workbook lessons with a “coach”. Lisa Natoli is brilliant at making them user friendly and heart opening. I’ll give you the link below so you can check it out.

In my video, I also give you a fool-proof practice for shifting from fear to love when you’re feeling charged up by a parenting issue. A simple tool that always helps me when the “kid-button” has been pushed. So good! I know you’ll love it as much as I do.

You and your children were both created by a loving Father who created you together, as ONE. You’re both being called forward, NO MATTER WHAT’S HAPPENING, by the brilliance that created you, to your highest potential.

There is nothing more sacred, as a parent, than the integrity of your own mind.

One last piece of parenting advice from A Course In Miracles: Remember to laugh!!

And, of course, I’d love to hear your thoughts about all of this.

Question: Did this help to shift your perception of what parenting is in any way? Was it helpful to see it from this viewpoint? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

Thank you so much for being here. Let’s be uncompromising for God. Let’s be vigilant for Love. Let’s do this together and never settle for anything less.

Much love,

Linda

Are you interested in doing the ACIM workbook lessons with a ‘coach’? Lisa Natoli is brilliant at making them user friendly and heart-opening. Get a daily audio from Lisa for each of the workbook lessons inside of our popular program, ACIM 365: ACIM Workbook Lessons with Lisa Natoli. Click here for more information and to register.

 

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26 thoughts on “Parenting and A Course In Miracles

    • Linda I adore you and I adore the essense of the words coming through you. The truth gives more and more meaning for me for every day now. I love the truth and love is the only meaning there is with everything when I see from the perspektiv og love. And now I have the prof because I could not see it this way if it was not the truth. And it is proven for me because it does not hurt anymore to see it this way. I am happy every morning to wake up and with this new feeling for me. I am not afraid anymore Before I woke up every morning defending myself against the truth. That I can see now. Oh I love to walk in trust and peace with you my sisters and brothers because we are one. And that proves itself because else I would not not understand the very same. I am for the first time in my life a happy student. ❤️

  1. Hello Linda, Teacher of God, Light of the world.

    Such a wonderfully practical teaching you have shared!

    Of course, there is no such thing as a father, mother, daughter or son but there sure does seem to be. And while there is so much insanity packed into and dramatized through these familial relationships, that’s just one side of the same coin. On the flip side, these same relationships provide us with an opportunity to rapidly awaken from the dream. But if we don’t know what we’re looking at while believing we do, then using past learning to try an relieve an unwanted situation or make a desired condition endure, we just stay asleep and repeat the cycle again and again…ad infinitum.

    Linda, I am so glad and thankful that you are focusing on the practical application of ACIM to the familial relationship. You are going to help many people be able to access the other side of the coin; the side that wakes you up and sets you free.

    For me, there is one paragraph in your blog that says it all:

    “This means to never speak to your children from a place of fear. Walk away when you see them as broken or lacking in anything. This will only delay the healing. Only speak to the highest in them. See them further along in their journey than they appear. Their 100% success is guaranteed in God. Just like you, they are God’s beloved and nothing they do or don’t do can ever change that. Speak to that. Speak to their true identity and that’s who will show up.”

    I know the focus is children, but as I read this I replace ‘your children’ with the word ‘anyone.’

    With Love As Love,
    Monte, Teacher of God, Light of the world

  2. Thank you so much for this beautiful blog/video. So on target! My issue today is with a partner – and I applied all that you said and it was very helpful.
    I’m going to re-read this!

  3. Thank you for these reminders. It made me realize how much I think I’m in control & in charge (once again..lol). Your row boat story made me cry because its so relatable in my life right now with my 2 adult children. I’m at a point of surrender with my attempts at fixing, which is good since it really isn’t working anyway. I am also raising a 13yr old & can see fear taking over there as well but I say NO!!!! Thank God I’m recognizing my old behaviors & patterns & do NOT want to go down that same old path. I am going to take out my course in miracles work book & apply it to my parenting as you suggested. I absolutely love this idea. Thank you SSSOOOOO much for this video & for sharing your personal journey. That means everything! It came at a perfect time for me as I am as open to change as I can be. ps Im very glag to hear your daughter is doing well. … and so are you. ;*).

  4. Linda
    I feel such love and gratitude for you and your daughter’s willingness to be open and vulnerable. As a parent and mother to adult children I was able to lean into that courage and felt inspired by your message, I could feel my heart expand as I listened to your heartfelt words.
    Namaste.

  5. Linda, thank you so much! This is of utmost importance! So powerful, so useful in everyday life! Your words, your authenticity, your passion, your expressiveness and your clarity drive the message home so perfectly! 🙂

  6. Hi Linda,
    Finally! I have been waiting for a Course teacher to apply the Course to parenting. I have a daughter who just left for college and am left with a lot of mixed feelings due to empty nest syndrome! Your video touched me so much and is exactly what God needed me to hear! You MUST write a book on all of this or at least do a online program focused solely on this topic of parenting. It will help so many parents out there! Thank you so much for your honesty, your vulnerability and your willingness to share your story.
    In Love and Light
    Jenn

  7. Hi, and thank you!

    This article and video came in perfect timing. Timing and synchronicity doesn’t really surprise me any more, but I do feel so happy and grateful every time it happens! I know it’s God guiding me 🙂

    Stepping in as a stepmum to a 12 year old girl, soon three years ago, put me in front of a mirror I wanted to run from already many times. But I’ve stayed. My highest wish is to know myself and to know God, completely. And I know she is helping me to do it, even if it’s not always easy.

    My stepdaughter is showing me exactly what I need to see in myself, and sometimes it just ain’t pretty 😉

    I’ve found ACIM this year, and come closer to God, so that I actually can feel the presence of God’s peace within me. So so grateful for it. Thank you for taking up this highly important topic of parenting.

    Just wanted to say, I also love the audio mediation/prayer that you guide in the True Prosperity program. Thank you!

    I love you! Big hugs!
    -Monika from Helsinki, Finland

  8. Wow, Linda thank you so much!! I felt like you were telling my story and this has been exactly what I’ve been praying for 🙏🏼 God is good! As I watched and wept and realized things can be different it brought an immediate sense of peace and love to me. Although I am not sure what my son’s path will be I can continue to focus on my own and love both of us in the process. Completely trusting in the Holy Spirit to guide any future parenting decisions. I’m so grateful for you and the love and support of this beautiful community 💖 Thy will be done 💖

  9. This showed up (of course) at the perfect time. My 20 year old daughter (only child) is going to Spain to walk the El camino de Santiago next month by herself. She has never done anything like this before. Ever fear of mine has come up! I did my best to raise her without fear and now she’s going out into the world with the belief “It’s going to be fine Mom!” and my fear is that she doesn’t have a
    ‘healthy fear’ . Lol what a crazy thought loop! Reading /watching this helped me take a deep breath and remembered that I am….

  10. Linda,
    That was an absolutely beautiful message! Thank you for being so honest in your sharing. I’m sure it wasn’t easy.

    As I was listening to your video, I copy and pasted the link and shared it with two friends. After writing this, I will share the link with another friend who has been through much of what you shared.

    Thank you so much for your courage and honesty and for sharing this very important message, Linda.
    Peace and Harmony,
    Rev. Barb Adams

  11. Yes,

    absolutely love it. Goes right back to my “Hindu,” tradition and it is so refreshing to see the truth emerging from different traditions.

    Love it, love it.

    Lots of love

  12. Where were you and this article and video when i was raising my kids? I so could have used this help as i got caught up in identifying with their behavior and i was thus in the boat with them. LOL-I was no help and made things worth with my catastrophic reactions. Also i did not know how to approach my part as projecting on to my kids. The furthest i got was that i was somehow to blame, not helpful, right? I had the Course even then, but not the application skills that you and the Teachers of God offer. Thank goodness i can now see my daughters as my greatest teachers. Guess what, they are thriving as i have owned all that i perceive in the world. Love the way you all share for the benefit of all. <3.

  13. Thank you Linda. This was so inspirational. I have 2 teenage daughters and I often worry about the way I parent them. You’ve reminded me that I’m not alone. God is with me. The King will guide me. I can’t control my daughters…my soul mates and teachers. I can only control my own thoughts…and to parent them through love and not fear.
    Thank you for sharing your own personal story.
    Love you
    Antonietta

  14. Thank you for your honesty Linda. I sooo needed to hear this. I had forgotten to see myself as the innocent child terrified of addiction. I was trying to help my child out of a place of my own fear. I will now follow your advice and I will go within and see where I am using her to mirror my fears and I will bring them to the Holy Spirit so that the whole family will be healed of this generations long curse. Thank you for leading me to peace

  15. I have two statements that I am constantly uttering to myself in order to keep myself from formulating and positing expectations. They are:

    1) No thing and no one is ever what it or they appear to be.

    2) It is never about what I think it is about.

    Consequently, I am hardly ever surprised how something I experience might be used by Spirit to prompt me to respond; and sometimes those responses can really seem non sequitur. There was a time when I had to understand what I was doing and why but as I grew to trust that my guide, not sometimes, but always, knew better than I, the need to always have to understand diminished. That noted, the following message is what I was nudged to post here on Linda’s blog.

    Experience is always preceded by choice and what one chooses is dictated by what one consciously or unconsciously believes.

    Every person in their life journey, whether they are aware of it or not, has, along the way, knowingly or unknowingly accepted many an “I’m supposed to…” with regard to the rearing of children. And as they are collected, these ‘I’m supposed tos’ are compiled in a mental program file that is labeled, How to be a Good Parent. When a person becomes a parent their Parent file is opened (usually beneath the awareness level of the person) and begins to run.

    Of course, once a person discovers they are going to be a parent, on a conscious level, they begin to add more child rearing dos and don’ts to their parenting file, which, for better or worse, they consciously implement. Those child rearing dos and don’ts that are knowingly enacted can be observed, evaluated for viability then adjusted if need be or eradicated if need be. But what standard of measurement is being used to evaluate the results? What concept has been formulated to be the desired and acceptable outcome that the products of one’s parenting can be compared to?

    Any parent should be able to clearly delineate, at the very least to their self, what they believe is both the acceptable and desired outcome of their parenting. And it is in their stating the outcome they hope or expect to achieve, that a portal to self-exploration appears. And all it takes to open this portal is asking the question: Why is it that I believe this particular outcome for my children is what I expect myself to produce? Provided a willingness to explore and a genuine intent to discover the source is behind the question, one can expect, on their exploration within, to flush into awareness some surprising belief systems that were unknowingly running beneath awareness.

    Among all the dos and don’ts that were consciously added to the parenting program file, there is a plethora of hidden beliefs about child rearing that are also running and dictating choices. Exploring one’s own experiences in childhood with their parents and/or guardians, can bring into the light extraordinarily insane belief systems regarding the rearing of children. Thankfully, if one is a student of ACIM, they know exactly what to do when then come upon these once buried but active insanities.

    Personally, in my exploration of my childhood, I uncovered some really heavy grievances that I had no idea were there. And, it was very interesting to see all that I was projecting onto my parents; behold, the parents and family of my invention.

    In Love As Love,
    Monte, Teacher of God, Light of the world

  16. Linda,
    What a light you are! I’ve been watching all your videos. When I first got introduced to Lisa through Jimmy Twyman and I fell in love, I couldn’t imagine anyone else would teach as well as she and get into my head the way she does. But here you are! And really all of you at TOG are just fantastic!
    That being said, someone else here mentioned it and I agree, you need to write a book or definitely continue this teaching somehow. I am lucky that my one child, my daughter, was pretty perfect from the day she was born and we had a pretty perfect relationship – I thought! She’s 33 and a put-together individual, that never really gave me any problems. But lately we’ve been at odds and it seems I can never say the right thing and we end up arguing, both of us going into shame, guilt and blame! Ugh!
    I saw your post and video the morning after our last little bout which had left me sad, fearful and angry. Boom, of course, there you are with your story! Not just your story, your words of wisdom and using ACIM just put everything into perspective!
    I’ve apologized to my daughter – she was shocked – and we’re talking about how she should do the 40-Day Program. She may not do it. It doesn’t matter – all I have to do is listen to her, love her and lift her up!
    Thank you so much, Linda!
    Denise💕

  17. Hi Linda!

    I absolutely cherish this video and blog! I listened to it while my 16 year old son was in the middle of a rage….screaming, swearing, stomping around the house, and slamming doors! I stayed in my bedroom, quietly listening to your message and did not “touch the cloud” that was passing by the blue, blue sky. I put my son on the altar and gave him to the Holy Spirit. You said, “The only thing that will ever satisfy your kids is the love of God”. Whoa! That was gut-wrenching, because I know with absolute certainty that the only thing that will ever satisfy ME is the love of God. So of course it is true for my children. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! You rock.

    Love,

    Sandy Zimmerman

  18. Thank you Linda! I especially appreciate that little tid bit about seeing “my daughter’s unhappiness” through the first 50 ACIM workbook lesson titles.