If you can put a check mark next to 3 or more of these behaviors, this article was written for the both of us.
____ You have an underlying feeling, most of the time, that you’re not enough or that you’re not doing enough.
____You dump on yourself (or other people) often because you’re usually more focused on the flaw rather than the hundreds of things that are going right. (i.e.: “My love handles are ugly. I didn’t do my workbook lesson perfectly today. I stink at yoga. He shouldn’t be on his phone so much. I don’t meditate right. Why did I eat that pizza? Blah, blah, etc., etc.”)
____You compare yourself to others to see how you measure up. (i.e.:” They’re advancing and I’m not. Why does she get that and I don’t?”)
____You have difficulty making decisions because you don’t want to make a mistake.
____You often re-do things or leave them unfinished because they’re not just right.
____You second guess yourself a lot. (i.e.: “Am I doing it right? I should have done more.”)
OK. You’re still here. Me too. Great. Now stay with me as we look deeper.
Understanding this really moved me. I want to move you.
You’re not bad to want to be perfect. You’re just efforting, really efforting hard to feel loved and safe. There’s this underlying belief that once you get there, once you’re good enough, you can finally relax. Then, you’ll feel peace and be free. But it never happens. (Has it?)
I don’t care how smart or good looking or hardworking or fit or scrappy you are; you’ll never arrive at that place. This is the ego’s carrot on a stick.
Actually, in your efforts to be perfect, you are diminishing yourself.
It’s a full on hoax. You’ve developed a maladaptive coping mechanism.
What’s happening is that you’re having a very powerful craving.
Just like when the body craves certain foods because it’s looking for nutrition, but you’re so ravenous you grab what’s in front of you and end up eating junk food. It’s like that. It’s a poor substitute. The craving stops momentarily but always returns. Your soul is craving sustenance. You’re craving soul food and perfectionism is like shoving fast food into the hole.
The dirtiest meanest trick our mind plays on us is telling us that we suck and aren’t where we should be. This is bullshit and until we stop listening to that voice, we’ll never be happy.
Seriously, I don’t even know why they call it perfectionism. It should be called imperfectionism because we’re super focused on perceived flaws.
Perfectionism never lets you really relax.
Perfectionism is a BIG-FAT saboteur. There’s nothing holy or productive about knit-picking and diminishing yourself.
Perfectionism is a life suck, a fun suck, an authenticity suck, a peace suck and a God suck. (Not that you can ever lose or diminish God but it drowns out the sound of your spirit; your connection to God.)
Life is a playground, not a boot camp. Perfectionism puts limitations on everything!! Perfectionists aren’t usually fun people!
Are you a spiritual perfectionist?
I know I was for sure. Somewhere, I confused perfection with mastery.
Mastery is NOT about acting all holy and perfect. All spiritual masters were humans once who decided (made the conscious choice) to devote themselves to Love. They turned in the direction of their True Nature instead of being a slave to lies and littleness. They saw the hoax for what it was. If they can do it so can we.
Think of the people you feel most comfortable and happy around. The one’s you’re drawn to that open your heart. Think of someone you know who is totally magnetized.
What is it about them that is so attractive?
It’s because they’re authentic. They’re not afraid to be vulnerable. They seek out the good in everything and everyone. They can laugh at themselves. They’re way more interested in seeing others rather than how they are being seen by others.
They’re not perfectionists, they’re connectionists. They are in the flow with life itself.
Here’s the Truth. This is a really hard thing for perfectionist-control-freaks to wrap their heads around. But I want you to try, even just for a moment.
YOU ARE ALREADY PERFECT.
If you don’t feel this way right now, that’s okay. Just please stay with me here for another minute or two.
You have the power of God within you. This isn’t anything to take personal credit for. You see, on one hand, all of us are special and on the other hand, none of us are.
God created each and every one of us perfectly. You don’t have to re-invent the wheel here.
You’ve been given everything you could possibly need. You are a 100%, Grade A, perfect, magnificent and powerful spiritual being who is having a human experience. The only reason you don’t see that is because you’re not looking there.
Don’t poo-poo this. It’s too big for you not to be willing to find this out for yourself!
I’m pretty sure I’m not the first person who’s ever told you that your True Nature is perfection; that God never makes junk.
You’ve heard it over and over again. Maybe you thought it was airy-fairy-wu-wu. Perhaps you told yourself you were too messed up for this to be true. Likely, you’ve been wrongly convinced by the world’s pounding messages that you’re the one who has to grind and work to become worthy of love and abundance.
I’m giving you the best news you’ve ever gotten. You are perfect and there’s nothing you can do about it.
This is too big and too important to push aside another day.
I want you to want to find this out for yourself.
This realization of this doesn’t come from an intellectual shift. Stop trying to understand it or wrap your brain around it. (Another tough one for us perfectionists, I know.) It just takes a little bit of willingness to hang out with your spirit-self.
You can set aside some time to take yourself out of the old thought system. You simply get quiet, you pray, you meditate, you intentionally develop this relationship with the bigger part of yourself. Each moment spent doing and it gets better and better. It feels awkward at first. So what. It’s not nearly as uncomfortable as trying to be a perfect human. (Oxymoron)
It doesn’t mean you don’t make mistakes. Seriously, you’re a human. Mistakes are how we grow bigger. But when you believe that your worth or identity is based on your body, your job, your bank account, your kid’s success, or anything outside of your Self, you suffer.
Yes, you are an authentic work in progress. You start by accepting yourself right where you are. It’s perfectly perfect for you! You are right on time. Your curriculum for this journey won’t look like anyone else’s so stop comparing.
Want to hear the truth bomb my daughter Victoria dropped on me when I told her I was writing this article?
“Mom, you should talk about how God is an organic expression of Love, kind of like art and we are all unique and beautiful art pieces. Perfectionism directly opposes organic expression and therefor is an attack on our God-selves.”
I was blown away by the wisdom and the truth of her words. That pretty much sums this whole thing up, doesn’t it?
Once you make the decision to shift to spirit identification, everything starts to shift. Your life becomes more and more about Love.
What does a life of Love look like you ask? You trust the evolution of your life and everyone else’s so you can relax and allow it to unfold. When you embrace it all, healing happens naturally.
You wake up in the morning and you serve that kind of Love. You ask Love to use you. You’re on a 1-day assignment from God. You let that move you and you know you’re the person He would have you be. There’s no more question of self-worth or a need for perfectionism. Right or wrong, you’re not tortured any more. You live with a sense of ease. You’re not being obsessive. You relax and you soften.
Once you’re aligned with spirit, you’re guided and helped with everything. Miracles are a natural occurrence.
You stop saying things like,
“I’m working on it.”
And start saying,
“It’s in God’s hands.”
“Sweetheart, you are the love of my life. I see how truly innocent you are. You simply want to feel love right now. You want to feel safe and okay. I hear you. I’m with you. I won’t leave you. You deserve nothing but patience and kindness so that’s what I’m going to wrap you in my darling.”
You see, there are 2 ways of looking at each situation and you can’t have both.
If you choose to make this shift, perfectionism has now become your greatest gift.
There are a million tools, teachers and paths out there to reconnect you with your True Nature. Your wholeness. Your perfection. You’ll know the one that’s right for you. As soon as you ask, they show up.
Just take it one step at a time. Then, before you know it, you KNOW it. Once you experience this remembering, life takes on a whole new meaning. Everything changes and there’s no going back.
For those of you who are like me, (I’m not much of a dabbler, when I’m excited about something new, I cannonball in with both feet), and want to really, really find out for yourself that what I’m saying is true, I recommend an advanced spiritual (not religious!) program that we developed called True Prosperity.
I love it because it’s an opportunity to experiment with these ideas for yourself, in your life, right where you are now. You get to “LIVE” as though you already have everything. Like you’re already perfect and you have everything you’ll ever need! You put yourself in alignment with that Truth and make room for it to prove itself to you. You get to actually have the experience so it’s not just some wu-wu idea anymore.
You take 7 weeks and you Trust and you give and you open to a whole new way of seeing yourself and others. You stop putting the blocks on yourself. It’s like a perfectionist’s vacation!
Question: Do you have any questions about moving forward or comments about what you read here? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
We can’t do this alone. Please, take it from me, a fellow perfectionist, there is much love here for you.
Director of Operations and Teacher, Teachers of God Foundation