Do you have an aging/elderly parent parent who is sick or complaining often? Is your relationship with them becoming increasing challenging?
It’s Kimberly and I recorded today’s video live from the Martha’s Vineyard Hospital.
I’m going to be answering a question from one of the members of our Teachers of God community, and I came to the hospital because I want to use the elevator here as part of the answer to her question.
“I care for my elderly parents who are 95 years old and I go almost every day to see them and they’re very negative and they complain a lot. So I ask Jesus to come with me and to speak through me. I bless them with my love. I meditate and I pray every morning and evening. I do the workbook lessons. I read the Course, I try to rest in God. I do pretty well, but sometimes I fall off. Is there something more I can do?”
So thank you so much for that question! And everyone who asks a question is always asking it on behalf of the one mind that we share. So thank you so much for asking that question on behalf of everyone who is going to get healed through your question.
First of all, we have to decide if we are going to know ourselves as cause or effect. What I mean by that is as Cause we are creators. This is our creation. Everything we experience is coming from us and as Cause we have the ability to change anything that we don’t like. On the other hand, we could think that we’re effect and as effect, of course, we don’t have the ability to change what happens because it’s happening to us and it’s out of our control.
So when we feel like we’re at the effect of things, that tends to make us feel scared and hopeless.
My first suggestion is to start to notice:
Are you coming from the knowing of yourself as Cause or are you forgetting that you’re the creator and starting to feel like things are being done to you? Are you in the effect of what’s happening?
The next suggestion I want you to think about is who is telling the story that your parents are negative and that they complain and that you’re tired and that you don’t know how to handle them because they’re so negative? Who is telling that story?
I would say ego because ego tells stories in which someone or something out there is effecting me. That’s the nature of an ego story and it sets up a situation where I’m separate from what ever is going on and therefore I’m the victim of what ever is going on.
The reason I came here to the elevators at the hospital to answer this question is because I want to bring our attention to that little gap that exists between the floor that you’re on and the elevator that you’re stepping into.
Watch this video to see the demonstration.
Radical Surrender and Acceptance
I want us to think about that gap as being what the ego wants you to believe about life. So we’ll go over to the elevator and press the button. Pressing the button. Look at what happens. The elevator opens and right here, what you’re seeing on your screen is the gap that I’m talking about. That’s the gap between the floor that we’re standing on and the elevator that we want to get into.
What the ego does is it takes that little gap that would be so easy for us to step over and it makes it into a huge gap that seems impossible to step over. The ego takes any little situation that we’re experiencing and it begins to blow it up and make it bigger and bigger and seem more and more insurmountable and more and more overwhelming and more and more difficult and upsetting.
Ego makes the space between us and our peace and happiness appear so big that it starts to seem like we can’t surmount the gap.
It would be like standing at the elevator and having that little gap between the floor and the elevator get wider and wider and wider and then me not being able to jump across the gap to get into the elevator.
That is what happens when we think that there is something outside of us that is upsetting us. The gap of conflict between me and the world starts to get bigger and bigger and because it’s getting so big, I can’t jump into the elevator, which is a metaphor for my God nature, for love. I become very frightened and I start telling even more scary stories.
That takes me to my next and final point and that is the solution.
The question is,
“What more can I do?”
The solution is don’t do more.
You don’t need to do more.
What’s being called for is for all of us to go into, total surrender and radical acceptance. Total surrender is a complete relinquishment of the story. Period.
We’re not just trying to cut the top off of the dandelion so that we don’t have to look at it anymore. When we radically and totally surrender, we take the dandelion out from the root. The way we do that is to commit completely to letting go of that story in whatever form it showing up. Any thoughts, any sensations, any feelings, any stories, any perceptions, however that story showing up, every time we notice it, we give it away.
We just say,
“Jesus, take this. I don’t want this anymore.”
You can put it out to the universe, to Jesus and Holy Spirit and say,
“I need your help with this. I’m going to be really focused on completely radically surrendering this whole story. Please help me now.”
Or you know, as Jesus says,
“Here I am, Lord.”
And just give it. Say,
“I am not going to compromise with this at all!”
What we find when we radically surrender is that we heal. That’s what healing is.
It’s the radical surrender of what makes us sick, which is the big gap, the gap that would stop us from being able to get onto God’s elevator. So that’s the answer to your question.
There’s just a little P.S. on the end. We experience suffering when we project our upset into the world. It is the discomfort of complaining and feeling like a victim. There’s also a discomfort that goes with radically surrendering our thoughts, and it can feel at first almost more difficult to surrender the thoughts than it did to have the suffering.
That’s why so many of us don’t. We don’t give up the negative thoughts because sometimes when we start trying to give up the negative thoughts, that also feels like suffering.
But that is just the way we interpret the healing at first, until we remember what real happiness feels like. Then the suffering turns into joy.
But at first it may be uncomfortable to give up the story. In A Course in Miracles, Jesus says if you try to take scissors away from a baby, the baby’s gonna scream because it is upset. The baby doesn’t know that it could totally hurt itself with those scissors. The baby wants to play. And the same thing with us. We are playing with thoughts that hurt us and sometimes we don’t want to give those thoughts up.
Practice radical surrender, and don’t do it alone. Call in Holy Spirit, call in Jesus, call in God and just say,
“This is what I’m doing and I need your help. Take the scissors out of my hands”.
Question: Has this helped you with your questions regarding how to handle the challenges of elderly/aging parents? We’d love to hear from you. You can leave a comment by clicking here.
All right. Peace. Love, blessings. I love you. Thank you so much for your question. I love you, Teachers of God community!
Kimberly Cartwright, Teachers of God Foundation
P.P.S: Radical surrender training can be found in our FREE 40 day program of transformation. The 40 day program is a community of like minded people committed to giving up stories of suffering. Don’t try to do this alone. Join the 40 day program and let yourself be lifted and carried to the remembering of the peace that is your Reality.