QUESTION: How Can I Deal With the Challenges That Arise Regarding My Aging/Elderly Parents?

By Kimberly Cartwright

Do you have an aging/elderly parent parent who is sick or complaining often? Is your relationship with them becoming increasing challenging?

elderly parents

It’s Kimberly and I recorded today’s video live from the Martha’s Vineyard Hospital.

I’m going to be answering a question from one of the members of our Teachers of God community, and I came to the hospital because I want to use the elevator here as part of the answer to her question.


“I care for my elderly parents who are 95 years old and I go almost every day to see them and they’re very negative and they complain a lot. So I ask Jesus to come with me and to speak through me. I bless them with my love. I meditate and I pray every morning and evening. I do the workbook lessons. I read the Course, I try to rest in God. I do pretty well, but sometimes I fall off. Is there something more I can do?”

So thank you so much for that question! And everyone who asks a question is always asking it on behalf of the one mind that we share. So thank you so much for asking that question on behalf of everyone who is going to get healed through your question.


First of all, we have to decide if we are going to know ourselves as cause or effect. What I mean by that is as Cause we are creators. This is our creation. Everything we experience is coming from us and as Cause we have the ability to change anything that we don’t like. On the other hand, we could think that we’re effect and as effect, of course, we don’t have the ability to change what happens because it’s happening to us and it’s out of our control.

So when we feel like we’re at the effect of things, that tends to make us feel scared and hopeless.

My first suggestion is to start to notice:

Are you coming from the knowing of yourself as Cause or are you forgetting that you’re the creator and starting to feel like things are being done to you? Are you in the effect of what’s happening?

The next suggestion I want you to think about is who is telling the story that your parents are negative and that they complain and that you’re tired and that you don’t know how to handle them because they’re so negative? Who is telling that story?

I would say ego because ego tells stories in which someone or something out there is effecting me. That’s the nature of an ego story and it sets up a situation where I’m separate from what ever is going on and therefore I’m the victim of what ever is going on.

The reason I came here to the elevators at the hospital to answer this question is because I want to bring our attention to that little gap that exists between the floor that you’re on and the elevator that you’re stepping into.

Watch this video to see the demonstration.

Radical Surrender and Acceptance

Radical surrender training can be found in our FREE 40 day program of transformation. The 40 day program is a community of like minded people committed to giving up stories of suffering. Don’t try to do this alone. Join the 40 day program and let yourself be lifted and carried to the remembering of the peace that is your Reality.

I want us to think about that gap as being what the ego wants you to believe about life. So we’ll go over to the elevator and press the button. Pressing the button. Look at what happens. The elevator opens and right here, what you’re seeing on your screen is the gap that I’m talking about. That’s the gap between the floor that we’re standing on and the elevator that we want to get into.

What the ego does is it takes that little gap that would be so easy for us to step over and it makes it into a huge gap that seems impossible to step over. The ego takes any little situation that we’re experiencing and it begins to blow it up and make it bigger and bigger and seem more and more insurmountable and more and more overwhelming and more and more difficult and upsetting.

Ego makes the space between us and our peace and happiness appear so big that it starts to seem like we can’t surmount the gap.

It would be like standing at the elevator and having that little gap between the floor and the elevator get wider and wider and wider and then me not being able to jump across the gap to get into the elevator.

That is what happens when we think that there is something outside of us that is upsetting us. The gap of conflict between me and the world starts to get bigger and bigger and because it’s getting so big, I can’t jump into the elevator, which is a metaphor for my God nature, for love. I become very frightened and I start telling even more scary stories.

That takes me to my next and final point and that is the solution.

The question is,

“What more can I do?”

The solution is don’t do more.

You don’t need to do more.

What’s being called for is for all of us to go into, total surrender and radical acceptance. Total surrender is a complete relinquishment of the story. Period.

We’re not just trying to cut the top off of the dandelion so that we don’t have to look at it anymore. When we radically and totally surrender, we take the dandelion out from the root. The way we do that is to commit completely to letting go of that story in whatever form it showing up. Any thoughts, any sensations, any feelings, any stories, any perceptions, however that story showing up, every time we notice it, we give it away.

We just say,

“Jesus, take this. I don’t want this anymore.”

You can put it out to the universe, to Jesus and Holy Spirit and say,

“I need your help with this. I’m going to be really focused on completely radically surrendering this whole story. Please help me now.”

Or you know, as Jesus says,

“Here I am, Lord.”

And just give it. Say,

“I am not going to compromise with this at all!”

What we find when we radically surrender is that we heal. That’s what healing is.

radical surrender

It’s the radical surrender of what makes us sick, which is the big gap, the gap that would stop us from being able to get onto God’s elevator. So that’s the answer to your question.

There’s just a little P.S. on the end. We experience suffering when we project our upset into the world. It is the discomfort of complaining and feeling like a victim. There’s also a discomfort that goes with radically surrendering our thoughts, and it can feel at first almost more difficult to surrender the thoughts than it did to have the suffering.

That’s why so many of us don’t. We don’t give up the negative thoughts because sometimes when we start trying to give up the negative thoughts, that also feels like suffering.

But that is just the way we interpret the healing at first, until we remember what real happiness feels like. Then the suffering turns into joy.

But at first it may be uncomfortable to give up the story. In A Course in Miracles, Jesus says if you try to take scissors away from a baby, the baby’s gonna scream because it is upset. The baby doesn’t know that it could totally hurt itself with those scissors. The baby wants to play. And the same thing with us. We are playing with thoughts that hurt us and sometimes we don’t want to give those thoughts up.

Practice radical surrender, and don’t do it alone. Call in Holy Spirit, call in Jesus, call in God and just say,

“This is what I’m doing and I need your help. Take the scissors out of my hands”.

Question: Has this helped you with your questions regarding how to handle the challenges of elderly/aging parents? We’d love to hear from you. You can leave a comment by clicking here.

All right. Peace. Love, blessings. I love you. Thank you so much for your question. I love you, Teachers of God community!


Kimberly Cartwright, Teachers of God Foundation

P.P.S: Radical surrender training can be found in our FREE 40 day program of transformation. The 40 day program is a community of like minded people committed to giving up stories of suffering. Don’t try to do this alone. Join the 40 day program and let yourself be lifted and carried to the remembering of the peace that is your Reality.

Do you have a question you’d like us to answer? Click here to submit your question and have us answer it in an upcoming video or blog post. We look forward to hearing from you!

Like this post?

Sign up for email updates and never miss a post!

Powered by ConvertKit
Please like & share:

Please note: We reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

21 thoughts on “QUESTION: How Can I Deal With the Challenges That Arise Regarding My Aging/Elderly Parents?

  1. Thank you Kimberly!! I am reminded that I create everything, including my elderly mothers unplesantries and my darling grandchildrens button pushing abilities! It’s the people that are closest that will help me the most to grow if I will get radical! I appreciate this reminder. Your analogies won’t be forgotten!! 😉 I love you!

  2. Thank you so much lovely Kimberley. This is soooo helpfull for me. I will do and think about this every day. I will look and listen again and again this video. I know it is the only truth that you speak. I love you sooooo much.

  3. This is so amazing Kimberly, because I am concerned about my own memory
    and whether aging is deteriorating my memory. I have a situation that is
    very challenging and I realized that what I am projecting is ” it’s their fault, not mine.” But I can’t say for sure whether I made a mistake that caused a lot of
    repercussions or “they did.” Was I so absent minded that I set all these negative repercussions in motion or did they? But underneath that is the fear
    that I can’t trust myself anymore because I forget things. So what I’m getting is
    I can surrender this fear that is causing memory deterioration. I can ask the
    HS to take this fear from me rather than hiding this fear from myself by projecting it. Thank you ever so much for helping me clarify this! I love your posts!
    [ Blessings

  4. Thank you so much Kimberly; your response is divinely timed. I appreciate the examples of specific prayer to apply to the ego’s ramblings. I am very grateful to be a part of The Teachers of God community. – In Love, As Love.

  5. Wonderful, clear, illuminating answer that can be applied to any situation. Helped me understand more fully that the story we tell IS just that, a story, but it’s not the truth. And I now have a great visual to remind me. Thank you so much!

  6. Thank you Kimberly. This was amazing as I am too coping with my Mom who his 80 years old of age. When you share theses situations with everyone, I think that the most important thing is that we no longer feel alone and like you said, we share our minds together. I like the cause and effect analogy which tells me what my mind is creating all the time so it’s so important to be present and to notice when the ego is on the driver’s seat (the effect). The ego mind is very clever and I’m now trying to identify with God’s mind which is Pure Love & Kindness, Peace, Joy and Truth. So thank you again for these videos which reminds us of our true nature and to notice when we are off center. I surrender this situation to God and the Holy Spirit has I remember that we are all children of God! Namaste!

  7. Spot on! Could add my stories here but I think I will simply surrender them. lol! What is truly amazing is the love & connection you share so succinctly. The elevator metaphor works for me. Love, love, love!

  8. Yes…
    I recognize the truth – thank you
    I am ready for radical surrender…
    My heart is aching
    Tears are in my eyes
    The body is whining of pain and fatigue and desperation

    Dear Jesus, I need your help. I lay down this story

    I acknowledge myself as cause

    With your help, only with your help, I can step over the gap

    Into the mind of God

    Nothing else will do

    With Love
    Thank you Jesus
    Thank you Kimberly

  9. thank you very much dear Kimberly, this helped me to understand what radical forgiveness means and what jesus means playing with “dangerous toys”, which are always our thoughts. You describe it all in a way that is so easy to understand on a deeper level. Thanks again!

  10. Thank you Kimberly. This showed me what i nned to continue to honor Holy Spirit within me and my friend. It is in the hands of Holy Spirit. I trust the truth of who i am and let go of the fear.
    Thank you again

  11. I love this message. It is very healing. I especially love the analogy of the baby with scissors! May I add something that helps me deal with a similar situation. After asking the holy spirit to guide me, I remind myself that the ‘trigger person’ has a right to be who they are. They have a right to act out and that behavior has nothing to do with me. My happiness is in no danger in their presence. When I do that I can look at them with total love and compassion.

  12. Thank you so much, loved your analogy. so many of us have this issue or the mind is already looking ahead to that time that comes for all of us like you said.
    Much love

  13. Dear Kimberly and the anonymous question presenter,
    Thank you for this gift. I was the one that needed this answer ❤. And I opened the book this morning to chapter 28, The Little Gap.
    I loved the video and I appreciate you so much.
    All my love,
    Sherri M and

  14. I can only say Amen!
    I know this from experience.
    Shining light on any negative thought …it dissolves because it is a lie and cannot bear Light.

  15. Comment re sue sharing fear of memory loss. It’s good you have hs in your
    Spiritual makeup. When we focus on this view, as Kimberly says, you, as creator, other things (criticism, negativity) take a back seat. To overcome fear of taking full responsibility for this clear compass of hs, this does indeed require that leap of faith, from the floor to the elevator. It enables us to focus on love, regardless of what’s going on around us.Thx sue for sharing your thoughts. Ann

  16. Hi Kimberly,
    Please keep incorporating visual images of the Course concepts you try to get across. It is extremely powerful! Not all of us do well with just reading words without imagery. I will be meditating on the elevator symbolism you so graciously described. I am ready to decrease the space between me and that space and jump right into that glorious Loving elevator… into the hands of my safe supported Creator.
    Thank you!

  17. Hi Kimberly, Teacher of God,

    A most excellent question! A most excellent answer! And a most excellent metaphor!

    With Love As Love,
    I Am

  18. Thank you SO MUCH, Kimberly…. this was so helpful because it specifically addresses the issue. I had been too abstract in my situation with my 91 year old father…. it’s so clear now. And I especially appreciate what you said about how the “letting go” can initially feel painful as well! Sometimes I have tended to think, “Oh, I must not really be willing to let this go” because I didn’t experience IMMEDIATE relief! I’m so very grateful to be joined with all of you within the TOG family!!! I LOVE YOU 💖😘💖