Will You Be Your Valentine? The Gift of Self-Love

By Kelly Russell

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Yo Yo, Soul-Bro!

In celebration of what I think of as the month of Love – because a) there is an entire day dedicated to the expression of it and b) my anniversary of meeting my boyfriend of 8 years is in February – this blog post is my valentine to you. It arrives enveloped in sparkling, shimmering light, and carries a message for you beaming straight from my bigass heart into yours.

So… speaking of Valentine’s Day, not to state the obvious, but I’m pretty sure I’m not alone here in thinking it’s kind of a weird year.

Am I right?

Last year on Valentine’s Day, if I had been on Jeopardy! (RIP Alex) in response to, “COVID-19” my answer would have been, “What is a video game involving 19 players?” And wearing a mask was either a cool way of rocking my alter ego for Halloween or something I did to suck gross stuff out of my pores.

What a difference a year makes.

So, in honor of things being…well, different doesn’t really cover it, does it? But given that, why not consider doing something bold, audacious, and equally out of the ordinary for Valentine’s Day this year?

I’m proposing that on the day devoted specifically to expressing love, you invite yourself to be your valentine!

(If your internal cynic just popped up with a snarkism, it’s ok. That’s just your ego-mind expressing the opposite of love, which is fear.)

I was inspired by this idea partly because as a coach and therapist, I encounter a lot of people who find it challenging to express love to themselves.

As A Course in Miracles teaches us, the only difference between us and God is that He created us, we did not create Him. But the substance of Spirit is perfect love – and so no matter which part of you you are looking at, you are all perfect love too.

And what exactly IS love? Well, that’s the bazillion dollar question, isn’t it? Let’s not burn out too many brain cells unnecessarily trying to define it, for, as A Course in Miracles says about teaching the meaning of love, “…That is beyond what can be taught. It (the Course) does aim, however, at removing the blocks to the awareness of loves presence, which is your natural inheritance.” (T-in.1:6)

So let’s take the advice of that Best Love Coach Ever, the Voice for God as author of A Course in Miracles, and see what we can do about those things that are blocking our experience of love.

Perfect Love created you as perfect love. How else could it be? The perfect can’t really create the imperfect, right? How would that even work?

At its origin, Valentine’s Day is about expressing love to another. But “another” is just a separation idea. Whether it is self-love, love for another, or love of our Source – it’s all the same. Love is love.

Let’s imagine your relationship with yourself as if it is with someone you consider your truest love, your beloved, your soulmate – the one you love being around and want to spend your life loving and being happy with.

  • How do you talk to yourself as this person? Are you sweet, loving, adoring, respectful? Do you express love to yourself, cheer yourself on, remind yourself of your innocence and perfection as a Son of God?
  • Do you speak in a judgmental, self-critical way? Do you accuse yourself of being stupid, or irresponsible, or a failure? Or undeserving, unworthy, or not enough?
  • In what ways do you beat yourself up, or punish, or are otherwise abusive to yourself?
  • How do you practice self-care? Do you allow yourself rest and relaxation, without guilt?
  • What do you do to play, to have fun, and make yourself laugh?
  • Do you give yourself compliments, or thank yourself for doing things that help you to feel good?
  • How do you comfort, soothe, nurture, and nourish yourself?
  • Do you guilt or shame yourself?
  • How present are you with yourself? What do you engage in that brings you joy, makes you lose track of time, keeps you in the moment? How do you fill your heart?
  • Do you practice forgiveness toward yourself? (This is the best Valentine you can give.)

There are times when I hear my internal monologue berating me for some imagined whatEVER – talking trash to me, telling me I’m irresponsible, or I f*cked something up, or I’m late, or epically failing at life.

And then I think, would I allow myself to be spoken to like that by someone with whom I was supposedly in a love relationship? Oh, hell no!  So why am I tolerating it from my own self? It’s time to break up with your Inner Mean Girl or Bully. As the Course reminds us, “Love created me like Itself.”(W-p1.67)

Love is perfect, therefore, being love, created by love, you are already perfect.

So let me ask, how did you just respond when I said that you are perfect? Does your ego-mind automatically throw down, and go all like, “Really? Perfect? Oh, ok. What about how ___ you are? What about how you did ____, and you epically screwed up ____, and are constantly _____ing, and you suck at ____? If you’re so perfect, why is your ____ so ____, and you can’t ever seem to ____?”

Did I nail it? If I did, it’s because I hear that same tired-ass voice of the ego in my own head. I maybe have learned to turn the volume down from 11 / screaming to something lower a bit more consistently, but it’s there.

So back to being your own valentine – let’s do this.

Take all of your ego-conceived notions about self-love and partnered love and how they are different and blow them up into heart-shaped balloons and set them free to float off back to Buzzkillville.

Whether you are partnered or not, or want to be or don’t, or think Valentine’s Day is a bunch of Hallmark bullshit, or it’s your abfabfave day ever – I am challenging you to valentine yourself like it’s your job this year. Seriously, what do you actually have to lose? Lack of self love?

By the way, if you are celebrating V-Day with someone, please do choose another day as your day to shower yourself with love.

Part 1. Celebrating You.

First, make a list of all of your favorite things you would like to do or have done for you to celebrate you as the beloved valentine.

Do you love flowers? Getting a massage? A flote? Chocolate? A fantastic meal of your most adored foods? A beachwalk? A candlelit bubblebath? Being out in nature? Sitting by a cozy fire? Listening to music that transports you? Watching the sunset? Dancing? Stargazing? All of the above?

Whatever is on your list, your challenge is to find a way to either actually or symbolically give yourself every loving thing you would like to receive.

Take some time to really consider the day or weekend and how you can do this. Invite Spirit to guide you in making a plan.

Part 2 – The Love Letter

Now, think about every loving thing you would like to express to yourself as the Love of Your Life. Ponder everything you love about yourself, and everything that you maybe don’t love but are working on, and/or are willing to release.

Now, give yourself the gift of unstructured time, and sit down in a comfy place and begin the journey of writing yourself a Love Letter.

Ok, let’s have it – what happened when I suggested that? Did I just hear a full-body eye roll? And I’m guessing there were maybe one or two or a hundred “I don’t have any idea what I would say” thoughts.

If not, rock on, and proceed in writing that gorgeous valentine missive to yourself. Write this letter as if it is coming from the most loving being you can imagine – who absolutely 100% adores you (this is your authentic self – the Spirit in your mind.).

Tell yourself everything that you appreciate about you, who you are, all of your amazingness. Describe your beauty, your brilliance as an extension of and expression of God, how you are an embodiment of and champion for love. Acknowledge your Divine qualities. Talk about what brings you joy, what you love doing, and giving. Consider how you are generous, where you are supportive. Think about the ways in which you have grown and developed. Give yourself props for how you allow yourself to shine more brightly than you once did. Keep writing until you have said every loving thing to yourself that you know is true, or that you have ever wanted to hear and hope is

true. (It is.)

If, however, your ego slammed the brakes on embarking on this ride – why is that? Had I suggested you write a Love Letter to someone you actually consider to be the love of your life, would you have found the idea more acceptable and less difficult?

Perhaps you may harbor a false belief that expressing love in this way to another is ok, but toward yourself is arrogant, or conceited, or full of yourself, or selfish.

All ego ideas, I assure you. A Course in Miracles teaches that, “Selfishness is of the ego, but self-fullness is of the soul because that is how God created it.” (T-7.X.91:4)

In Oneness, there is no difference between loving another and loving yourself. There is no place where you end and another begins, because there is no separation.

Just know that any resistance to your expressing love to yourself in any form is coming from your ego-mind, which also, btw, drives the relentless pursuit of getting love from others. Although that part of your mind has zero understanding of love, that doesn’t stop it from judging it, and feeling threatened by it, while at the same time telling you that you should already have it but don’t – because you are not worthy of it, or that whatever love you have in your life is not good enough because someone else is lacking in some way.

So, buckle your ego-mind into the backseat with a blankie and some headphones and remember that Spirit is riding shotgun with you on this trip.

Now, gather those afore-mentioned black-hearted thoughts together in a bouquet of forgiveness and say to them,

“I forgive you because there is nothing to forgive.

I remember that these thoughts are just me dreaming an illusion that my ego mind made up.

I forgive myself for dreaming them, and ask Spirit to take these thoughts and help me to see things differently.

I release these thoughts to Spirit to be healed.”

Give that dead-ass bouquet to Spirit, who has that crazy ET-power to touch things and restore them to life.

In the same way, rest assured that your perception will be changed from fear to love. The more that you engage in this process when you have judgmental thoughts of any kind, the more love you will feel.

Now, go back and write your damn letter.

When it is complete, and you have filled the pages with every last droplet of love and appreciation for yourself from your inner fountain of light, read your Love Letter to yourself aloud.

Feel the words moving through your heart and soul. Feel the vibration of love as it elevates you, spreading its glowing warmth throughout your entire mind and body.

Put the letter in a prominent place and read it to yourself every day, just as you might with a letter from your beloved… because it IS. From your beloved, to your beloved. Love is circular. It flows from Spirit, through you, to Spirit, through another, to you, to Spirit, to another, to Spirit, back to you. “You” and “another” are one and the same.

Spirit is the Creator, the conduit, the carrier, the container.

You are magnificent creation.

Thank you so much for getting your self-love on with me today. I love being in communion with you. If something in this post resonated with you, or helped you to open your arms and embrace yourself more lovingly, please leave me a comment – I love them and I ready every one. You can also reach me via email at kelly@rockyourjoy.com

If you’re interested in deepening your experience with self-love this month, click here to check out offerings on my website and schedule a Discovery session with me.

I’d also love to welcome you to my new Facebook group, Rock Your Joy Insight Out with A Course in Miracles.

I love you more than mountains of chocolate and fields of red roses, rivers of champagne, and waterfalls of light.

Happy Valentining!

 

Kelly

Kelly Russell

Transformational Coach and Teacher of A Course in Miracles

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Jenny freehill
Jenny freehill
5 months ago

I actually realised today for the first time that my ego speaks to me with a very critical voice. I never realised this until today how this voice has always spoken to me. In my awareness today I began to hear a more tender voice frequency coming through and it was so magical. Now I have found this frequency I can tune in again and again and again. Today I bought myself a bunch of valentine’s flowers. Thank you Kelly for reaffirming this self love to me…..💚

PJ Foy
PJ Foy
5 months ago

Powerful message! Thank you so much! I love your humor! I’m being with all the love you poured into this blog post. I’m eternally grateful.

DANIELLE DAAB
DANIELLE DAAB
5 months ago

You are amazing!! Thank you so much. I’m so grateful you are here in this world. You are a gift, thank you!!

Kelly
Kelly
5 months ago
Reply to  DANIELLE DAAB

Hi Danielle! Thank you for your lovely comment! I am a reflection of YOU, and we are both amazing, brilliant rays of the awesome light of Spirit! I’m happy to be your bro! 😊

Florence Ostermann
Florence Ostermann
5 months ago

Thank you thank you I so enjoy your messages and this is a all time favorite. Love you ❤️❤️